When To Call It Quits

I hope this blog that I am sharing does not apply to any of you, but sadly I know that it will hit home for a few. We are taught that marriage to so extremely important and that we should do everything in our power to makes things work, especially when it gets tough. Divorce is something that is so heartbreaking for everyone involved and it should never be taken lightly. But how we do know if we really should just call it quits or simply get help and work through it?
President James E. Faust talks about this issue and gives a really great quote on what he thinks about divorce.
"Over a lifetime of dealing with human problems, I have struggled to understand what might be considered "just cause" for breaking of covenants. I confess I do not claim the wisdom nor authority to definitely state what is "just cause". Only the parties to the marriage can determined this. They must bear the responsibility for the train of consequences which inevitably follow if these covenants are not honored. In my opinion, "just cause" should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person's dignity as a human being."
He goes on to say that a just cause is not simply because of mental distress, personality differences, or growing apart, or falling out of love. When it comes to having a "just cause" to a divorce, really the only people that will know will be the people in the marriage. Each marriage situation is so unique and has so much behind it, that there is honestly no way to have a sweeping answer across the board.

Divorce should be considered in the problems in the marriage are prolonged. This is after the couple has seemed help, and has tried their best to fix the issues to no avail. If both are sincerely trying, but yet the problems do not seem to vanish, then separation could be a possibility. As long as you can say I have tried everything in my power to make this work, then you should not feel guilty.
Another reason why divorce could be on the table, is the destruction of human dignity. If someone in the marriage, or both, are being demeaned and lose their sense of worthy, they divorce should be consider. If a spouse is demeaning to the other and does not think that they are in the wrong, then that person should not be with them. I have an aunt who are in an emotionally abuse relationship for 30 years until she recently decided to get out. I look up to her for her courage, but also wish she was able to find that courage so much sooner so she could've found happiness in a marriage sooner. Again, if you or both parties can say that they have tried 100% to fix the marriage and have prayed to the Lord for strength and guidance, then you cannot feel guilty if the marriage ends.

Are You Cheating On Your Spouse?

Are you cheating on your spouse? I am sure many people reading this are thinking,"No! Of course not! I would never!". But fidelity does not include just the act of physical being with someone else that is not your spouse. It is much more than just sleeping with someone else, it can also include being emotionally involved with someone else. The moment you start to turn to someone of the opposite sex for your problems or start to picture what it would be like to be with someone else, that is when you have crossed the line into infidelity. Satan wants to tell us that our lives are mundane and that the chores of everyday life are not fulfilling enough for us so we need something more.  The quote," The grass is greener... on the side of the fence you water!". I love this quote!! When life starts to become a routine, it is easy to think what it would be like on the other side. But these thoughts are what Satan wants us to think and that is slippery slope that we take. Lusting for anyone that is not your spouse, should be immediately recognized and stopped.

How can we make sure that do not fall into Satan's trap? Each marriage needs to have boundaries. There needs to be guidelines and rules step up so there is not a question of what to do if someone does happen. I know some couples will never try to be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Whether this is driving in the car, or going out to lunch, just anytime that they can control where they are alone with them. Dr. Shirley Glass relates infidelity in a marriage to walls and windows. She says," In an extramarital affair, people put walls in their own marriage and open the window to others outside the marriage. Instead, we must know how to put up walls to protect our marriages from outside influences and open the window of low and communication within our marriage." Satan is going to try to ruin our celestial marriage so that is why it is so important to build those walls to protect our marriages.

Being Equals

A husband and wife should love and cherish each other. A husband and wife should be equals partners in the crazy ride of marriage! Marriage comes with its own set of trials and difficulties, so it is important to have certain constants. One of those constants should be an equal respect that each partner has for each other. The moment that one partner feels they are above the other person, for whatever reason, begins a dangerous downward spiral of a bad marriage. Equal partners does not mean that they are the same. A husband and wife bring certain qualities and responsibilities that complete and help a marriage become the best that it can be. A lot of times we see the man in the relationship take full responsibility of the family, or make all the decisions. This is not how a marriage should work, or how God intended it to be.

President Hunter said," The Lord intended that the wife be... a companion equal and necessary in full partnership... For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to expensive  unrighteous dominion," (Hunter, 1994.p.51)

If we do not think we should be equal partners in a marriage, then we do not truly love the other person. If we truly love our partner, we will want to make sure that they are involved in every decision, that we consider their feelings and opinion, and that there is a united front. A husband and wife should be equal partners where they are always working together and making sure that they are both included in making decisions.
Research has shown that marriages with an equal partnership, have happier relationships and they have more effective partnering skills. What a surprise right? When parents are able to come to an agreed decision and stand together as one, they show their children that they are one. It makes things easier for the parents because the children know that there is not one parent that is above the other.