Building Strong Families

What is the key to having a strong and happy family? I don't believe there is one perfect answer to this question, but I do think I may know some things that can attribute to the happiest of a family. When I look on social media, I see a lot of families that are going on this extravagant trips together, or are playing with expensive toys such as jet skis, ATVS, or boats. It can be easy to see these families and think how they must be so happy together building these memories together. But what about the families that spend their Saturday going over to their neighbors yard to help them move? Or going on a camping trip in tents? When it comes to the happiness of families and the joy we can get from activities, it does not matter how extravagant or expensive they are, but rather the activity you are doing to help strengthen the family. I know for myself, the fondest memories I have with my siblings and parents are when we would just pack our backpacks, and takes our tents and go in the woods. I remember sitting around the campfire, cooking our food, and sharing stories that we can with each other. Those are the memories that really stick out to me in my childhood. Now I am not saying that it is bad to go on cruises or go boating, but I feel like it is important for parents to know that it is NOT necessary for them to do those things to make their children... happy. I found have the more simple, the better.
I feel like it is more beneficial for parents to choose activities that produce" ...stronger family relationships, compassion, skills, knowledge, and more valuable memories..."(Successful Marriage and Families).  You are not going to really produce those qualities while going on a cruise. But you could build those qualities learning how to start a camp fire, or hiking up a mountain together. It is definitely easy to get caught up in the world, especially when we see all these things on social media about what cool things people are doing with their families. But I firmly believe that if we focus more on being more simple and finding activities that allow children to explore and learn and grow, then we will succeed in our jobs as parents.

Worth Ethic in the Family

I grew up in a household where doing chores and housework was just a part of being apart of the family. My mother would divide up the chores each Saturday and made sure that everyone would have a responsibility to do something. I even remember as a very little children being given a simple chore such as taking a rag and wiping all the tables. I feel as though my parents did a good job at instilling the value of work at a fairly young age. Why is so important? Why did my parents feel the need to make us do these chores together, even though it usually brought many complaints and tantrums? I believe they recognized what good can come from it. Just by doing simple things around the house can not only help you appreciate the things that you do have, but also help you appreciate the things that other people do to help around the house as well. Working together as a family may not always be the easiest, but it provides a way for family members to bond with each other and help strengthen relationships. I feel doing chores and doing yard work with your children can help spark conversations that might not normally happen. I remember having my dad help me pulling with yards in the backyard and having conversations together that I feel as though would not come up unless the parents were in those situations with their children.
Children may not realize the impact that these small acts have in the moment, but as they grow up, they will remember the times that their parents decided to spend with them and work with them. Children will not remember playing on their iPad when they are 20 years old, but they will remember spending Sunday afternoons baking cookies with their mother. Working and playing together as a family is what will strengthen a family and help bring them closer. It is the simple acts that will help bind the family. Elder Maxwell said," We must look carefully, therefor, not only at life's large defining moments but also at the seemingly small moments. Even small acts and brief conversations count, if only incrementally, in the constant shaping of souls"(Successful Marriage and Families).  I know that it may not always be ideal, but it definitely help and bless the family in the long run.

Forgiveness in Families

There is a saying that goes something like,"We often hurt those that we love the most". When it comes to families, people sometimes feel as though they can put there loved ones through the grinder because they are family. It is important to remember that although we will be with our families together forever, forgiveness is key to make sure we have those strong bonds with our family members. People are human, and human makes mistakes. We should just expect family members to do something wrong to us at one point or anything. But the key thing is to forgive. Love and forgive quickly. But there may be certain things that a family member does to us, such as betrayal or breaking our trust, that can make it harder to forgive. Sometimes when a family member does something wrong to us, it can make us either forgive more quickly, or it can make it harder to forgive depending on what they did and the severity of it. No matter what someone has done us are commanded to repent and to forgive.  But How?

The Atonement is an amazing tool to help us forgive those that have wronged us. Elder Richard G. Scott talks about how having faith in Christ can bring us healing. He says," The beginning of healing requires childlike faith in the unalterable fact that Father in Heaven loves you and has supplied a way to heal. His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, laid down His life to provide that healing. But there is no magic solution, no simple balm to provide healing, nor is there an easy path to complete remedy. The cure requires profound faith in Jesus Christ and in His infinite capacity to heal." What an amazing quote! Heavenly Father has provided a way for us to not only be healed from us sorrows, but to help us more forward and forgive. It may not be easy and it may take awhile, but there is hope for those that have been wronged and joy to those that find forgiveness in their hearts. 

Prayer in Marriages

There are many different things we can do to help gain a stronger marriage. President Monson talks about how he received advice from his sealer at his sealing about one way to make sure they do not stay mad at each other. The sealer told President Monson,"May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another (Monson,2001,p.4)." 

What an amazing quote and principle to live by! I love this advice that this sealer gave to young President Monson and Sister Monson. When couples decide to pray together, they are both in inviting God into their lives. They are wanting and willing to bring the Spirit into their relationship and home.  When we pray, we are willing to humble ourselves and pray for our partner. When we pray for our partner, even though there may have been discord before, it can help make sure the tension is no longer there. Having prayer in a marriage may not solve every issue, but it definitely can help strengthen the love and bond you have for one another.

Couples should pray not only during troubling times, but also when life is God. Sometimes that is the hardest to remember, when things are going our way and we feel like we have everything we need. The only time we talk to our Heavenly Father should not be just when we need His help. We should also be praying to God for things that He has blessed us with or things that we are grateful for. As a couple draws closer to our Heavenly Father, the closer they will draw closer to each other. Prayer can not only help us during rough times, but also help strengthen the bonds that we have with our spouse.

The Importance of Shared Faith

There is real connection between sharing the same faith with your spouse and having a stronger marriage and family. It is so important to be equally yoked in a marriage. If one parent is going to church, while the other is staying home it can cause increase conflict in the marriage and home. It can also confuse the children when they see one parent dedicating time to their faith, and the other does not bother with it. How will a child know what to believe when the two people that are raising them how different beliefs? How confusing that would be for the child? Then you have two parents that are trying to teach their children two different beliefs. While it can be done, it can be extremely difficult. A study was done in 1981 by Bahr where it study the divorce rates of couples who were LDS-to LDS and LDS-to-Non LDS. The study found that couples who were LDS-to-nonLDS were three times more likely to get divorce within the first five years then couples who were both LDS. Why is this so? The LDS faith takes so much time and commitment and it would be hard to be married to someone who does not understand the demands that come from being a Latter-Day Saint. It would difficult for someone not of the faith to understand why their spouse is spending so much time in their church calling rather than at home with the family. It is must easier to do these callings and what is asked of us as members, if we have a spouse that is pushing us and doing these same things with us. Not saying that it is impossible to marry someone not of the same faith, but it definitely is more difficult.

Studies have been done where when the father and mother go to church together, there are fewer fights about religious views, money, housework, time being spent, and many more. When both parents have the same belief system and ideals, it is much easier to align goals with each other. The parents become more unified.

Why Have Children?

I believe we live in a pretty selfish society. Society has become a more "me me me" type of society where it focuses on what our own desires are and to not think about anyone else but ourselves. Families are starting to become not as important, nor are they the talked about as much anymore. Instead of pushing people to get married and start a family, it is common to hear people start their careers and do their own thing. People may think this does not have an impact, but in fact it does.
Why are fertility rates decreasing? There are many different reasons as to why fertility rates are decreasing. One of them being that the economic value of children is decreasing. At one point families were mostly living in rural areas in which children were an asset to the family in the work force. But ever since the industrial revolution, there is not as big of a demand and children have actually become more of a liability rather then an asset. Another big reason is that more are choosing to not have any children. It used to be that the majority of women who did not have children had infertility issues, but now it is because they choose not to.
Why does this matter?
For one, lower birth rates could possibly mean depopulation. This could result in not enough people being in the work force causing a growing number of people being reliant of a decreasing number of people working. This is a more widespread reason as to how not having children can affect the world.
But how does it affect the individual couples?

In Gospel terms, "Parenthood provides the opportunity for adults to learn to be patient, exercise faith, look forward with hope, and show forth compassion to God's children. Over their lifetime, couples with children have more opportunities for experience upon which to develop these attributes of Deity"(Successful Marriages and Families. pg. 157). There is so much someone can learn from being a parent that you cannot learn someplace else. If a couple has the opportunity and can have children, they should take it. What better way to become more like a Heavenly Parents, then to become parents ourselves?

Teaching and Guiding Your Children With Love

Parents have the biggest influence on children and have such an impact on the values and morals that they have throughout their lives. It is important to not only teach the correct principles to your children, but to do so in a Christ-like way. Children are more willing to be responsive to instruction and teachings if the children feel loved and accepted by their parents. This is not a fool-proof way to make sure your children do not go astray, but it does lower the risk of having an unhealthy relationship between the parent and the children. Parents are instructed by the leaders of the church to provide their children with morals and values to follow and have. President Brigham Young counseld parents to  "...study their children's dispositions and temperament, and deal with them accordingly". The more familiar that parents are with our children and their temperaments, the better parents will be able to recognize if something is bothering them or something is not quite right. Parents would be able to follow up with questions and discern if action needs to be taken (i.e problems with peers, struggling with schools, ect.). Not only will parents be able to recognize those things, but children will be more willing to talk about their issues with their parents if they feel that safe relationship.

Children are less likely to fall into the traps of Satan if they have strong morals and values taught by their parents. James E. Faust said the following about the matter,"Generally, those children who make the decision and have the resolve to abstain from drugs, alcohol, and illicit sex are those who have adopted and internalized the strong values of their homes as lived by their parents. In times of difficult decisions they are most likely to follow the teachings of their parents rather than the example of their peers or the sophistries of the media which glamorize alcohol consumption, illicit sex, infidelity, dishonesty, and other vices. They are like Helaman’s two thousand young men who “had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them” from death. “And they rehearsed … the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.” (Alma 56:47–48.)" Parents have an obligation to raise their children in the church and to make sure that they are taught the coronet principles. Nothing should be forced on the children, but rather taught so that the children can make and gain testimonies of their own. All parents can do is to teach and guide their children with love and let their children make their own decisions that they may grow up to follow their teachings.